What’s A Life-Long Commitment Without Some Sick Tunes?

Ah, the big day. The day every couple plans for years in advance. From the card stock of the invitation to the menu, everything must be perfect. It is a public affirmation of each other’s love for one another, after all. So why would you cut corners on the soundtrack for the event?

We’ve all been there before. It’s your best friend’s wedding, you’re his best man or maid of honor. Everything is going smoothly, not a single mishap or “bridezilla” in sight and then, to kick off the festivities, the DJ starts playing all types of music you didn’t ask for or his idea of fusion (the art of playing music from both East and West genres like, Bollywood, Hip Hop, Bhangra, Old School, Soca, Chutney, Reggae, and Rock) is playing Jay-Z and Panjabi MC “Beware of the Boy’s 7x’s  during the night. Wait, it get’s better to top it off he’s playing the one incredible song for you and your husband and he’s ripped a low-quality MP3 rip from Youtube on a pair of speakers they got from a buddies friend’s garage who was a Deejay back in 1986 and they sound like Granpa is letting it Rip each time the bass hits while he’s just dancing around, music only coming through his headphones at a particularly loud volume, and barely anyone can even tell what he’s doing. It’s a disgrace. Everyone in the crowd is booing, throwing food at him, and eventually he’s carried off whilst tied to a stick to be used in a way similar to a kalua pig. And, while we all know DJ flesh is tasty, you don’t want to be on your toes the whole event wondering if you’re going to have to cook a human.

This is why you need a top-quality DJ for your wedding. You can safely enjoy your wedding, listening to the music you want played through the best speakers possible, without a single stray thought about a potential human barbecue. Both the clients and the guest will enjoy and unforgettable night because a top-quality DJ has aspects of night covered while the crowd enjoys the many festivities the wedding has to offer, like the “pin the tail on the groom” game or the classic “The Bride Has Hidden And Must Be Found Before Sundown Or The Curse Will Not Be Broken” hunt that all weddings have.

Maybe you’re still not convinced. “I’m still not convinced,” you say. “I don’t think getting a good DJ is important for my wedding,” you continue. “I like it when my weddings are bad,” you drone on. Well, in that case, let me share one final piece of evidence: it’s actually required by law to have a good DJ.

Dr. Dominic Jackson, the president of the Junior Association of Musicians (JAM), proposed the “Gotta Have A Turnt Wedding” bill to Congress last summer and it passed unanimously, requiring every wedding to have, at the very least: “1 (one) kick-ass DJ who really knows how to turn the party from some snooze-fest into the coolest damn thing you ever saw.” What this means is that every wedding (or otherwise important event) without such a DJ is liable to be fined up to 16 trillion dollars, and I highly doubt you want to incur that debt.

Deep down in your heart, I know you know that a wedding is an important event. It creates memories that last a lifetime, or at least as long as the marriage lasts, which could be anywhere from a few months to someone’s whole life. Do you really want to take the risk of having a boring wedding and possibly needing to cook a DJ/pay 16 trillion dollars, or would you rather not do that and have a great time celebrating the love of a couple? I think the choice is obvious.

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